Accountability For Sin

I had an interesting situation occur with my husband, a couple of days ago.

I inadvertently discovered he had been looking at things on the Internet that a married man ought not look at. Really, no decent man ought to look at it. He had even perused a couple of places that led me to (briefly) doubt his faithfulness. Granted, I don't believe the man to be saved, so He doesn't have God at his side to help him to be strong, but he is a grown man, and I feel he at least ought to make an effort. Normally, I believe, he does. But, he says he only avoids such behavior because I "won't let him" do it. He sees nothing wrong with it, and he says I'm over-reacting when I feel hurt when he does it. Even after he promised, yet again for the hundredth time, never to do that anymore (albeit under protest), I still didn't feel that he understood the gravity of the situation, in regards to our marriage. So, when I was flitting about online one night, reading various blogs, and following links as they interested me - homeschooling, femininity, et cetera - I ran across a link to an article that said exactly, precisely, what I was feeling, and expressed plainly what I wanted to tell DH. It was even written by a man. I thought it was helpful, so I emailed it to my hubby. (My husband and I have a somewhat strange relationship. The two of us speaking to each other about anything of any importance pretty much never happens. It is too much pressure for DH, and he will tune it out. So, I have to write down anything I truly need him to hear.)

But enough of the back-ground information, which I'd have preferred to leave out entirely, but it seemed to be important.

The interesting part was this... My husband was angry that I had sent him that email, in which the article had equated his behavior with cheating. He complained that he didn't think what he did was all that bad (something the article implied was a typical male's response) and that he didn't understand why he had to be put through the torture of having to receive such a letter. He saw it as something mean I was doing to him. I actually laughed at that, considering what his behavior had been, which resulted in his receiving such a letter. But he was truly angry that I was doing this to him. He didn't understand why anything had to come of what he had chosen to do. Apparently, I was just supposed to ignore it or shrug it off. He was angry that I had called him on it, and had expected a change in behavior or would choose to behave differently towards him, myself.

Once he stormed outside to cool off, which thankfully works, although nothing ever gets solved, because we never talk about anything, I had a chance to think things over. The conclusion I came to was what I found interesting; indeed, interesting enough, I thought I might put it on here, to see what someone else might think of it. The parallels were striking to me, although perhaps to no one else, since in all likelihood, many others have probably long since come to that conclusion on their own.

My husband was angry at me, because I was "making" there be consequences for his actions. He believes that, if I love him, then he should just be able to do whatever he pleases, with impunity, and never have anything negative come out of it. (This, I find humorous, if only because I have dealt with some pretty heavy consequences myself, coming from him. I have forgotten to bid on an item on eBay, and the result was him having a rather frightening, seething, cussing fit. I have forgotten to fix him a sandwich, or put the laundry away, with the same result.) Now, we all know how the world works. Life is chock full of a million choices, good, bad, and otherwise. Whatever we choose, (and we do get to choose, because God loves us and wants us to choose - but wisely;) whatever we choose always has a consequence. A wise choice has positive consequences - like choosing to eat a healthy meal instead of that big bag of candy you've been eyeing - and a foolish choice has a negative one ("oh, my belly aches!"). Likewise, obeying or disobeying God has consequences. But unlike the "natural consequences" that people see as inevitable and therefore, acceptable, people see God's consequences as Him "making" there be consequences. Like my husband being angry with me, the sinner often becomes angry with God for the consequences of their own actions.

I see this often in the liberal and atheist mind-sets. While they differ in their methodology, they both are dealing with their anger at God for His requiring accountability. If only God didn't have any rules, well, then they would "love" Him. As it stands, they see Him as a big meany who "makes" consequences for actions, when they would just prefer to do whatever pops into their heads, no matter what it is.

However, God is a perfect Father. And any good father has rules, and he sticks by them. Otherwise, his children don't feel they are loved. They feel no safety in their boundaries, and they doubt even themselves. But when the rules are consistent, the children feel secure and loved. Of course, a rebellious child would (in his mind anyway) prefer that there be no rules and no accountability. Sadly, they don't understand that without the rules, they would be very unhappy indeed.

In our society, you can see it everywhere. People are "running wild" doing all sorts of things God never intended. There are consequences for those actions. But those who engage in such behaviors, rather than accept their just desserts, gripe about the rules, and rage against those who remind them that the rules exist.

I wonder what the difference is; what makes some people willing to accept the accountability of life, and others not? Is it possible to make someone realize this is what they are doing? Or is that something only God can do, if He chooses to? God makes choices too. Personally, I'd rather live with THOSE consequences.